The Lizard Chronicles

Some of this is true. Some of this is better. –Too Much Joy

Amusing Searches That Have Led People to My Blog (Part 2) November 4, 2018

Filed under: lists,Oddities,Writing — lizardesque @ 2:14 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Not to toot my own horn (honk), but I’m being a goddamn overachiever by writing a blog post in November since I’m participating in NaNoWriMo. I’m not even going to count these words toward my total today.

Anyhow, last night, a comment was posted on a 6-year-old entry post of mine. It seems someone typed “Jackie Paper is a dick” into google, and it led them here. That reminded me that several years ago I had compiled a list of amusing searches that have led people to my blog. After chuckling over that, I looked over my blog stats and decided it was time for an update.

What brings people here more than anything else are searches related to sherbet push-ups (because of this particular post). I wasn’t necessarily looking at the most popular searches when I compiled the following list, though, just the ones that tickled me the most.

  • Wedding arm wrestling
  • T-rex running
  • How can I write the tale of lizard in apostrophe?
  • Hemlock stairs hallway ideas
  • Footlessnesses
  • Analogy lizard vagina
  • View of wine from giant Ferris wheel
  • Fruit loops banned why?
  • Elizabeth zazzy
  • Epilady vulva
  • My nickname puffin
  • How to wear sexy sleepwear in public under clothes without people noticing
  • Lizard sings Call Me Maybe

I hope everyone found what they were looking for, and if not, I hoped they at least enjoyed the search. Stay weird, people!

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Forty-three Notable Things I Did While I Was Forty-three October 24, 2018

Filed under: Life tales,lists,photography — lizardesque @ 5:09 am
Tags:
  1. Had fun in the photo booth at Gilt Bar
    Giltbar
  2. Visited the Catcade

    Catcade

    I’m a kitty!

  3. Took control of my hair loss by getting my hair cut and later shaving my head

    Shaved

    Perhaps the most badass I’ve ever looked

  4. Donated my hair to charity

    Hair_during

    I hope it made someone else happy!

  5. Colored my hair with a Sharpie

    SharpieHair

    Before it fell out–not like I was worried about damaging it!

  6. Finished knitting an afghan for my brother

    Afghan

    All cozy under the afghan with Yoda

  7. Went to Story Sessions at City Winery
  8. Added romance to chickpea burgers

    Chickpeaburgers

    I had chemo on Valentine’s Day, so we kept it low key

  9. Knitted a ridiculously long stocking cap
    Stockingcap
  10. Escaped another room

    Escape

    Victory!

  11. Attended a Seder for the first time (and found the afikoman, thus winning a major award!)
  12. Finished chemo—fucking hooray!
    Award

    Another major award!

    Fuckcancer

    I wore these for every chemo session

  13. Made funnel cakes at home

    Funnelcakes

    I hardly even burned myself!

  14. Had a lumpectomy (especially notable since I was originally was looking at a mastectomy before chemo shrank my tumor down to almost nothing!)
  15. Helped produce Monsters, Myths and Other Matters
  16. Got a Lyft with Snoopy

    LizIanSnoop

    I wonder how much Snoopy increases this Lyft driver’s tips

  17. Had fun with new hair colors
  18. Got a Kit-Kat clock
    Kit-Kat
  19. Kept up with my Spanish lessons (almost daily)
  20. Danced on the ceiling

    Ceiling

    Oh, what a feeling!

  21. Leaped into a pot of happiness

    PotofHappy

    The big leap

  22. Played in a confetti room

    Confetti

    Silly fun

  23. Hugged a giant rubber duck

    DuckLove

    You’re the one!

  24. Gave and received henna tattoos

    Henna

    We’re not quitting our day jobs to become henna tattoo artists, but it was fun.

  25. Completed Julaiku for a fourth year
  26. Educated people about feral shopping carts
  27. Saw Anthony Rizzo’s 1000th career hit (live and in person)
  28. Banged the gong after finishing radiation therapy

    Gong

    Get it on!

  29. Made use of the emergency crown that I keep in my wallet

    Crown

    You just never know when you might need one!

  30. Applied to be a Cards Against Humanity writer
  31. Was depicted in painting

    Painting

    Amazingly, a friend of mind did this in about 10 minutes!

  32. Visited House on the Rock as an adult for the first time
    InfinityRoom

    The Infinity Room

    Attack

    Eeeek!

    Bunny

    Who doesn’t want to sit on a giant hare?

  33. Visited the National Mustard Museum

    Mustard

    Yes, this is a thing.

  34. Got crafty with my husband
    Signs
  35. Knitted a shrug

    Shrug

    It’s cozy.

  36. Saw some cool stuff during Open House Chicago
    Library

    Charles Deering Library

    Libraryinside

    Charles Deering Library

    Winebook

    Book and wine return? (look closely)

    Observatory

    Dearborn Observatory

    Telescope1

    Dearborn Observatory

  37. Visited the American Toby Jug Museum
  38. Visited Few Distillery

    Few

    Distillery or giant clarinet?

  39. Took some pretty cool black and white photos

  40. Went on a major organization kick and finally made a dent in my clutter
  41. Sent a goat to a friend
  42. Got my old tattoo spruced up

    SunMoon

    Like new!

  43. Finally got the new tattoo I’ve been talking about for ages

    Interrobang

    My favorite punctuation mark

 

Forty-two Awesome (or at Least Notable) Things I Did While I Was Forty-Two October 24, 2017

Filed under: Life tales,lists — lizardesque @ 9:20 am
Tags: ,

Today my age is tweedle and twee. I’m prettier than I used to be.

-–Woody Guthrie

  1. Was unbreakable! (at least for Halloween)
    Unbreakable
  2. Cheered, jumped up and down, and hugged total strangers when the Cubs won the World Series for the first time since 1908…

    CubsWin

    Holy cow!

  3. …and then drank 30-something year-old whiskey (saved especially for the occasion) from a ceramic cub

    Cub

    I’m not a whiskey person, but I took one for the team

  4. Finished NaNoWriMo for the fourth time
  5. Finished knitting my first afghan

    Dec11

    Stewart approves of my knitting

  6. Saw the Terracotta Warriors exhibit at the Field Museum
  7. Waffled many things
     

  8. Marched for women
    March
  9. Contacted my elected officials more than I ever have before
  10. Successfully escaped another room with some friends

    Escape

    The escapees

  11. Went to a murder mystery party (my fourth one) and (for the first time) was not the murderer
  12. Adopted Daisy

    CozyDaisy

    Daisy also approves

  13. Knitted a cat

    LifeImArt

    Life imitates art

  14. Made a ceramic narwhal

    Narwhal

    They’re the unicorns of the sea, you know

  15. Made robots

    IMG_5113

    Robot date night

  16. Knitted a bunny
    Bun
  17. Took a knife-throwing class
  18. Won the family Peeps diorama contest

    IMG_5469

    Power to the Peeps!

  19. Marched for science

    IMG_5616

    Science is real!

  20. Became aunt to a furry niece

    Cleo

    Miss Cleo

  21. Brushed up on my Spanish

    IMG_5952

    Neigh

  22. Had a drink that contained Pop Rocks

    IMG_6256

    Candy Crush

  23. Visited La Sagrada Familia

    LSF

    La Sagrada Familia

  24. Visited Montserrat
  25. Visited Sitges
  26. Visited Park Güell

    Gingerbread

    Park Güell

  27. Purchased a suitcase to bring home wine and shoes from Barcelona
  28. Added another European Ferris wheel to my collection

    Ferris

    Giradabo

  29. Took a selfie with Jesus
    SelfiewithJesus
  30. Had some fun in a hall of mirrors

    MIrrors

    Trippy

  31. Ate at NoMi

    IMG_6552

    The view from NoMi

  32. Went to a baseball game with my brother for the first time

    IMG_6570

    Now if I could just convince him that there are not 27 outfielders on the field at once

  33. Waffled more things (yes, I’m counting this twice–I waffled a lot of things!)
     

  34. Got an honorable mention in the Glimmer Train Very Short Fiction Contest
  35. Finished another year of Julaiku
  36. Explored weird Chicago
  37. Participated in much silliness

    Photobooth

    Wedding photo booth fun

  38. Saw the total solar eclipse from within the path of totality

    Eclipse

    It was freakin’ amazing!

  39. Saw Hamlet in the park
  40. Shot a gun for the first time (It was target shooting, and I’m hesitant to call this awesome since, deep down, I’m still a gun-hating liberal. However, it did seem like a notable experience.)
  41. Started…and eventually finished knitting a shawl
    Shawl
  42. Expanded my vocabulary
 

Forty-one Awesome Things I Did While I Was Forty-one October 24, 2016

Filed under: Life tales,lists,Poetry,Publications,Travel,Yoga — lizardesque @ 7:58 am
Tags: ,
  1. Got a piggy-back ride part of the way home from a bar on my birthday
  2. Got a picture of one of my cats wearing a witch hat (this had been a longstanding dream of mine)

    Toil and Trouble

    Toil and Trouble

  3. Achieved a NaNoWriMo three-peat
    NaNo-2015-Winner-Banner
  4. Sipped and painted
    Sip_and_Paint
  5. Attended the Grilled Cheese Meltdown (yum!)
  6. Made kitty plates
    Feb19
  7. Saw the Van Gogh exhibit at the Art Institute
  8. Attended the Cider Summit

    Feb27

    Cider: delicious and beautiful!

  9. Colored Ruth Bader Ginsberg on a unicorn
    Apr17
  10. Successfully escaped a room
    Escape_Room
  11. Had fun with helium
  12. Used a magical cupcake machine
    CupcakeATM
  13. Read Infinite Jest (It’s somewhat debatable whether this counts as “awesome,” but it’s definitely an accomplishment, so I’m counting it)

    1079

    Footnotes and all!

  14. Was on TV! (I’m in the background in the orange jacket)
  15. (Obviously) did more SUP yoga
  16. Took this fierce selfie
    Jun17
  17. Experimented with buttons
    Jun24
  18. Experimented with lots of new hairstyles
  19. Took an arm balance yoga workshop
  20. Met a dog named Friday while with a person named Friday
  21. Stayed at a goat farm in Ballyvaughn, Ireland
  22. Visited the Cliffs of Moher
  23. Brought a cutout of my alma mater’s founder along with me on my travels

    bradley_alums_cliffs

    Bradley alums with Flat Lydia at the Cliffs of Moher #CelebrateLydia

  24. Saw the Poulnabrone Dolmen
    poulnabrone_dolmen
  25. Visted Ailwee Cave
    ailwee_cave
  26. Visited Dunguaire Castle
  27. Learned about King Puck
  28. Saw a traditional Irish music session in and Irish Pub
  29. Wrote limericks while in County Limerick
  30. Visited Killarney National Park
  31. Visited the Rock of Cashel
  32. Went on a literary pub crawl in Dublin (and won a t-shirt by correctly answering the most quiz questions afterward)
  33. Saw the Book of Kells
  34. Took a selfie with an Irish sheep
  35. Toured the Guinness Storehouse
  36. Twirled a la Stevie Nicks in the Luxembourg City town square
    liztwirl
  37. Took a walking tour of Luxembourg City
  38. Visited the Bock Casemates
  39. Sang about a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg while in Luxembourg
  40. Helped bring You Don’t Know Us..., the first collection of stories and poems from one of my writing groups, to publication
  41. Celebrated  the Cubs’ first pennant win 71 years
    oct23
 

Julaiku 2 (Electric Boogaloo*) July 1, 2016

Filed under: lists,Poetry,Writing — lizardesque @ 1:00 pm
Tags: , , ,

I don’t recall when it began or exactly what prompted my love for haiku. In elementary school, I learned the basic haiku format and a cursory history. It was then that, as part of a homework assignment, I composed (and unwittingly memorized) my first haiku.

Flowers smell so sweet
Smelling them is a real treat
Go smell a flower

This sounds very much like a poem written by a 9-year-old. Even so, there is something inexplicably powerful about the short, restrictive 5-7-5 format of haiku. Somehow, everything sounds a bit more profound when stated in haiku. Since being considered profound (or at least humorous in my attempts to be profound) is one of my ambitions, I enjoy writing haiku about the mundane, annoying, and/or silly. I know some people feel unnecessarily constrained by the haiku format, but I often find it to be a fun mental challenge. Also, I have a mental list of 5-syllable words that, in case I get stuck, I can use as the last line. And hey, if they don’t relate to the rest of the poem, all the better. That makes it profound and mysterious!** Here are some examples from the list.

  • Velociraptor
  • Colonoscopy
  • Diabolical
  • Defenestration
  • Radioactive
  • Hypothalamus
  • Electrocution
  • Ridiculousness
  • Hallucinogen
  • Dodecahedron
  • Anticlimactic

Two years ago, I dubbed the month of July “Julaiku” and wrote at least one haiku for every day of the month. I lapsed last year, but I’ve decided to bring Julaiku back for 2016. I hope you  enjoy it. Please feel free to participate by posting your own haiku in the comments.

Haiku for all!

Haikumbaya!

It just so happens that this July begins on a Friday, which means it’s not only Julaiku but also Fri-ku (in other words, it’s a twofer)!

July 1, 2016

Two Julys ago
I wrote haiku for each day
Now, begin anew

Bonus:

July1


 

* In case you have ever looked at my picture and thought, “Wow, she looks far too young to be as old as she claims to be!” I offer this pop cultural reference as evidence of my membership in Generation X.
** Or pretentious and nonsensical, depending on your viewpoint.

 

Forty Awesome Things I Did While I Was 40 October 24, 2015

Filed under: Life tales,lists — lizardesque @ 12:30 pm
Tags: ,
  1. Became the Morton Salt girl (for Halloween, that is)

    When it rains...

    When it rains…

  2. Saw the New Pornographers in concert
  3. Participated in and won NaNoWriMo for the second year in a row
    Winner-2014-Web-Banner
  4. Secretly made Thanksgiving dessert healthier with avocado pumpkin pie…and got rave reviews
  5. Witnessed rampaging Santas on bicycles in downtown Milwaukee
  6. Attended an ugly Christmas sweater party

    uglysweaters

    Getting our ugly on!

  7. Learned how to arm knit

    Not bad for a first effort!

    Not bad for a first effort!

  8. Learned how to regular knit

    My first regular knitting project

    My first regular knitting project

  9. Saw Billy Idol in concert (with my mom, brother, brother-in-law, and bestie)

    Rebel Yells

    Rebel Yells

  10. Visited a black sand beach

    Punalu'u Beach

    Punalu’u Beach

  11. Saw the Halema’uma’u Crater

    Lavulation

    Halema’uma’u Crater

  12. Visited the Thurston Lava Tube

    Thurston Lava Tube

    Thurston Lava Tube

  13. Saw the Pu’u Loa Petroglyphs

    Pu'u Loa Petroglyphs

    Pu’u Loa Petroglyphs

  14. Tried Mochi
  15. Visited the southernmost winery in the United States
  16. Snorkeled at the Kapoho Tide Pools
  17. Visited Pu`uhonua O Hōnaunau National Park
  18. Was waved at by a sea turtle

    Hi! I'm a turtle!

    Hi! I’m a turtle!

  19. Took a star tour at the Mauna Kea Observatory visitor’s center
  20. Saw fireworks from above while coming down a mountain
  21. Knitted something non-rectangular (on purpose!)

    My first knit hat

    My first knit hat

  22. Visited a cheese castle

    Say "cheese!"

    Say “cheese!”

  23. Made kitty mugs

    Kitty Mug!

    Kitty Mug!

  24. Made ceramic cocktail glasses

    I like a little whimsy with my cocktails.

    I like a little whimsy with my cocktails.

  25. Visited Vermont and New Hampshire for the first time
  26. Tried Escape the Room
  27. Toured Fenway Park
  28. Had cocktails at the Top of the Hub
  29. Visited the Baseball Hall of Fame
  30. Visited Watkins Glen State Park
  31. Tried SUP yoga
    Yoga on a stand up paddle board!

    Yoga on a stand up paddle board

     

  32. Posed with racing sausage statues
    IMG_0371
  33. Took this selfie and wrote the accompanying haiku

    Om nom nom. Om nom. Om nom nom nom nom nom nom. Om nom. Om nom nom.

    Om nom nom. Om nom.
    Om nom nom nom nom nom nom.
    Om nom. Om nom nom.

  34. Began a dress coloring project

    Tabula rasa

    Tabula rasa

  35. Did sunset SUP yoga, and a pretty awesome wheel pose

    You can go ahead and be impressed.

    You can go ahead and be impressed.

  36. Did SUP yoga again and achieved shoulder stand (yes, I’m counting SUP yoga multiple times because it’s really, really awesome)
  37. Rode a hippo (never mind it’s on a carousel, it was during a spirits tasting event at the zoo, which was fun)

    Whee!

    Whee!

  38. Saw the super blood moon lunar eclipse
  39. Successfully cultivated a hand-crafted (by me) chia pet

    Ch-ch-ch-chia!

    Ch-ch-ch-chia!

  40. Started a yoga for strength workshop
 

39 Awesome Things I Did While I Was 39 October 24, 2014

Filed under: Life tales,lists — lizardesque @ 9:56 am
Tags: , ,

“Today my age is tweedle and twee. I’m prettier than I used to be.”

–Woody Guthrie

 

  1. Finally ate at Girl and the Goat
  2. Drilled pumpkins for Halloween

    Pumpkins + power tools = pretty!

    Pumpkins + power tools = pretty!

  3. Put together a pretty kickass Medusa Halloween costume
    Medusa
  4. Achieved wheel pose in yoga
  5. Saw The Fitz and the Tantrums in concert
  6. Participated in (and won) NaNoWriMo
    NaNoWriMo
  7. Completed a 365 Somethings to Smile About project
  8. Began a 365-day Doodle a Day project
  9. Sent a card to a friend to thank him for turning 40 before I did
  10. Made a set of square plate for my mother to help her overcome her fears of unconventionally shaped dinnerware
  11. Saw the Edward Gorey exhibit at the Loyola University Museum of Art
  12. Saw cherry blossoms in bloom in Philadelphia
    CherryBlossoms
  13. Celebrated my tenth wedding anniversary
  14. Went zip lining in the Redwoods

    Wheeeee!

    Wheeeee!

  15. Recreated some honeymoon photo ops on a tenth anniversary trip
    2004

    2004

    2014

    2014

  16. Fed rosemary to goats at a winery

    Nom nom nom

    Nom nom nom

  17. Rode the Napa Valley Wine Train
  18. Tried (and liked) garlic ice cream

    Mmmmm...garlic!

    Mmmmm…garlic!

  19. Biked across the Golden Gate Bridge

    After biking across the bridge

    After biking across the bridge

  20. Visited Coit Tower

    Inside Coit Tower

    Inside Coit Tower

  21. Broke the 200-post mark on this blog
  22. Began working as a volunteer editor for a literary journal
  23. Watched The Princess Bride in a forest preserve
  24. Saw The Machine Inside exhibit at the Field Museum
  25. Saw the 1893 World’s Fair exhibit at the Field Museum
  26. Wrote a haiku for every day in July
  27. Took and pressed some ivy leaves from the house I grew up in before my parents closed on it
  28. Averted a bloody mary emergency by visiting a combination hardware and liquor store
  29. Went to Jazzin’ at the Shedd
  30. Attended a Mustache Bash (and won a major award)

    I won the "Name that Mustache" contest

    I won the “Name that Mustache” contest

  31. Coped with the stress of a horrible week by dancing in my living room until I was too tired to be stressed
  32. Completed the ALS ice bucket challenge…while wearing a tiara (because I’m fancy)
  33. Experimented with typewriter art
  34. Finally finished my button dress

    I didn't make the dress, but I did make it buttonful

    I didn’t make the dress, but I did make it buttonful

  35. Completed year 1 of a 5-year Q&A project
  36. Saw interactive disco Shakespeare theater
  37. Visited the World’s Smallest Museum

    I only wish I had time to see the entire thing!

    Slightly smaller than the Louvre

  38. Swung and spun on glowing swings

    LizSwing

    Swings were not this cool when I was a kid!

  39. Went to the Magritte exhibit at the Art Institute