The Lizard Chronicles

Some of this is true. Some of this is better. –Too Much Joy

Awesomely Bad Poetry Corner August 16, 2013

Filed under: Family,Life tales,Poetry,Writing — lizardesque @ 11:44 am
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When I talk about the first poem I ever had published, I usually refer to Waking, but that’s not entirely accurate. I’d like to tell you that I was some sort of poetry prodigy that was having beautiful verse published before my age reached double digits, but that wouldn’t be true either. So, here’s the real story.

When I was growing up in Wisconsin, there was a local paper called the Tri-County Messenger, a weekly (I think) publication that contained mostly advertisements, along with some information snippets of local interest. For a time, there was also a small section, the “Poetry Corner,” which featured some of the most awesomely bad poetry I have ever read. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that the quality of poetry is very subjective, even more so than other forms of writing. It’s hard to describe what makes a good poem, but you know it when you see it. It touches you in some way that’s hard to explain. Likewise with bad poetry, it’s hard to say exactly what makes it bad, but you know. You know like I knew when I read a particularly cringe-worthy poem about twins, one of whom was described as having a large mole.

After familiarizing ourselves with the typical contents of Poetry Corner, my mom, my brother, and I decided to collaborate to write the worst poem we could come up with, send it in (under a clever pseudonym), and see if it made the cut. A few weeks later, we were surprised, amused, and thrilled to open up the TCM and see our poem in all it’s horrible glory.

Alas, no one seems to have saved a copy of this wonderful piece of poetic history, so I was forced to try to recreate it from memory. I think I have most of it, although I’m not sure it’s in the right order. I might be missing a verse, as my brother and I seem to remember something about a pantry, a picnic basket, and crackers…or something. But anyway, this is what I could remember, which should give you an adequate sense of the level of awful I’m talking about.



by T. U. Nafish


Tunafish, tunafish

My favorite dish

Tunafish, tunafish

That’s what I wish


I put you in salad

Or between some bread

Put you in casserole

Or eat you in bed


Tunafish, tunafish

My favorite dish

Tunafish, tunafish

In can you swish


And then there’s Uncle Harry

Who had a bad can

Now he’s in Never-never land

We all go to visit his grave

And think of him

Riding the wave


Tunafish, tunafish

My favorite dish

Tunafish, tunafish

I love you so much

I give you a kish


Oddly enough, I’ve never liked tuna. Inspiration can come from anywhere, I suppose.


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