The Lizard Chronicles

Some of this is true. Some of this is better. –Too Much Joy

Badassery July 25, 2012

Filed under: Life tales — lizardesque @ 3:03 am
Tags: ,

I fancy myself a badass.

Of course, the first problem with that statement is that actual badasses probably don’t use fancy as a verb very often. The second problem is that most people don’t think of petite, baby-faced, mary-jane-wearing, Hello Kitty-loving vegetarians as badasses. I think that’s where my desire for badassery stems–I look like pretty much the exact opposite of a badass, and part of me wants to shock people with sudden, unexpected badassedness. So, I have compiled a list of things about me that are, or at least could possibly appear, badass.

I look kinda badass here, don’t I?

Here too!

  • I pierced my own ear twice, including once in the upper cartilage. Yes, I know, children get their ears pierced, but most of them don’t do it themselves with actual needles. My big brother couldn’t even pierce his own ear. He started to, but he got the needle part way through his ear and then kinda freaked out. Who swooped in to finish the job? HIs badass little sister, that’s who!
  • Not only do I have a tattoo, but the tattoo artist who gave it to me was missing half of one of his thumbs. I’m pretty sure that gives the tattoo at least a couple extra badass points.
  • I have a scar from a knife wound. I got it in a rumble when I was in college.*
  • Lizard is a pretty badass nickname, you must admit.
  • I once sent a guy twice my size to the ER.**
  • Red hair is kinda badass, right?

Grr! I’m a badass with a bolster! Okay, maybe not. The pigtails kill it, don’t they?

* By this, I mean that, in my dorm room, I had a bunch of dishes stacked up precariously on top of milk crates in the corner of the room. A knife fell on me. It was very sharp, though. It cut through my pants! I will concede that this is a lesser-known definition of “a rumble.”

**Okay, he wasn’t quite twice my size, but he was quite large, so much so, that we often referred to him as “the Big Guy.” One night when I was hanging out with a bunch of friends, the Big Guy asked me to toss him a soda. I did. The can hit him in the mouth, cutting his lip, and he had to go to the ER for stitches. I actually felt really, really terrible about this, but even badasses have sensitive sides.

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One Response to “Badassery”

  1. I don’t know … there’s something about devil horns that just screams “badass!”


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