The Lizard Chronicles

Some of this is true. Some of this is better. –Too Much Joy

Things I Will Never Do September 30, 2011

Filed under: lists — lizardesque @ 9:58 pm

I’m a big fan of the phrase, “Never say never.” After all, you never really know what the future will hold. That being said, here’s a (not necessarily exhaustive) list of things I’m pretty sure I will never do.

  1. Skydive (unless necessitated by a plane going down)
  2. Run with the bulls in Pamplona (or anywhere else for that matter)
  3. Eat oysters
  4. Go hunting (unless starvation is otherwise imminent)
  5. Swim the English Channel
  6. Purchase a minivan
  7. Pierce my nipples or tongue
  8. Attend Burning Man
  9. Pose nude in a magazine
  10. Obsess about my lawn
  11. Buy (as in not adopt) a dog or cat
  12. Climb Mount Everest
  13. Play professional football
  14. Win Wimbledon
  15. Go ice fishing
  16. Attend a monster truck rally
  17. Participate in a gun fight
  18. Attend clown school
  19. Attend a NASCAR race
  20. Chew tobacco
  21. Get a Mohawk
  22. Voluntarily and knowingly swim with sharks
  23. Go around the world in a hot air balloon
  24. Promote any religion door-to-door
  25. Join the Polar Bear Club
  26. Participate in a roof-to-roof chase
  27. Wrestle an alligator
  28. Enjoy shopping for a swimsuit
  29. Win an Olympic Medal
  30. Visit the moon

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